What I didn't expect now that I'm expecting

Who knew being pregnant would wear someone out so much!? Well perhaps others knew it but I sure didn't. A few weeks of being back from our honeymoon and I started feeling ill all the time. My boobs hurt really bad so I took a pregnancy test that showed up negative which made me concerned about what it could be. To the doctors I go.
It was a shock when they told me I was 6 weeks pregnant. I guess I took the test a little too early. It's crazy how my body knew already. 




I am 13 weeks and 5 days now and just now starting to feel like i'm not dying. If it weren't for my mom and Scott helping out around the house and making meals the house would have caved in on itself. Finding energy to do anything but sleep was a hassle and the indigestion can get horrible. It seems I have better mornings than I do nights. It's getting better though.

So far I can't wait until the baby is here. When I was younger and wanted to work with children, I wanted to be a mom, but as I got older I realized I have a get up and go lifestyle and honestly hearing from everyone else and knowing about labor sure didn't make me want kids anytime soon. I'm 28 right now and very recently kept telling everyone that there's no way in hell I wanted children. Isn't it funny how that works?
We thought for the longest time that my husband wasn't able to have children also, so that was another shock factor to it all.

Although the whole pregnancy thing scares the hell out of me and my body feels like it's betrayed me, I find myself feeling very blessed and lucky to be able to conceive. Watching how excited and happy Scott is makes it totally worth it and makes me so happy even though I'm so terrified.

I have high anxiety, so I've been trying to take things a day at a time. People keep telling me to read books and watch certain videos but I just can't bring myself to yet. The whole thing is completely terrifying. I don't want to think about any of it, except for what it will be like when I get to hold him or her. 


I can't wait to find out if it's a him or her. :)








2 comments:

  1. Yeah...don't listen to everyone else, everyone's pregnancy is a personalized experience and you'll just freak yourself out. Besides, we all enjoy telling any of the horror stories of our pregnancy. Badges of womanhood I suppose. You might want to consider Lamaz (sp?) classes at some point, if Scott's going to be there with you. As you progress, esp once you start feeling the flutters and then those bumps and knocks that you know are the baby kicking and moving, you'll really connect with being pregnant. You'll know you're not hallucinating, that there's a real person inside you. THAT is a magical moment. And when Scott can put his face or hand on your belly and feel that movement too, way cool.

    It is scary. Just be brave and know that it isn't your body betraying you. You're possessed. Literally. hahaha

    The only thing you need to remind yourself of is that women have been doing this for centuries so we're pretty good at it. And when they put that baby in your arms the first time, everything from the pregnancy and delivery experience vanishes.

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    1. I know I try to remind myself of all that. Def not interesting in taking those classes though, i seem to have no interest in any of that, at least right now. I have a doula though, which is someone who is there to help calm my nerves. I'm happy about that and when we met, there was just something about her that was calming and I felt like i could talk to her. She's had 8 children at home if that's not impressive and experienced, I don't know what is. I'm lucky to have crossed paths.

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